I am NOT GIVING UP!

Right now, I am sitting in my room...my daughter is sleeping in my bed cozy and warm, my other daughter is in the yard playing Cinderella with the kitties, and Casting Crowns is playing on my stereo. I have been cleaning all morning (I even "sorted" the laundry..Alana :) and I have been listening to this new CD by CC, and I have found much encouragement from it! There are several songs that really speak to my heart...and right now my old casting crowns cd is playing the song "Love them like Jesus", and I find it difficult to even type becuase this song has really "hit" me hard. The first time I heard it was on a treadmill at the YMCA a month after I had my last miscarriage. UGH, Lord what are you doing to me! I know that I made a fool of myself because all of a sudden I was sobbing uncontrolably, and everytime I hear this song, I have the same reaction! I feel like I am on some strange journey. The kind where you know that in the end you will be so blessed, but in the meantime you have to walk around these "pits", up the mountains, through the muck and stormy vallies. (some would call this the journey of life) However this feels different. I have recently been searching out the Lord, and seeking to hear his voice more than ever before....I am desperate to be close to Him, in an actual intimate relationship with him! In doing so , I feel as though I have strapped a target on my back for the enemy to see me wherever I am, almost like a neon sign flashing "here I am come and get me". I have been sick for a few weeks now, and it just seems like every time I turn around it's something! Lord, you ARE faithful, merciful, and just! Thank you for your lovingkindness! You never fail me, you always amaze me! I love you Lord, and I pray that I will walk in a manner worthy of you, to please you in all respects, that I will increase in the knowledge of you God! I am not very good at organizing my thoughts when I am emotional..forgive me! Things are going well inspite of this thing on my back. God is good all the time, and he has promised to give his angels charge over me, to bear me up in their wings! I stand on that promise, and I know that all things will work together for good. Maybe having this "down time" is what I needed to allow me to draw close to God and press in ! So what the devil has set out to destroy God has turned it into blessings! I do appreciate your prayers, and I make it my practice that anytime I look at your blog or comments to say a prayer for you! God Bless and Keep You! May you be encouraged this day to look to Him to sustain you in the times where you feel empty, and fill yourself up with His love! Sharon

Communicator

Strange title perhaps, let me explain. Last night my husband brought home a personality profile that he did at church (I had to work) and so he walked me thru it and the results were right on! He said that he and Alana had predicted as much, haha.. It also told of people in the Bible with these same personality traits and the first one listed is Aaron..rhymes with Sharon, so it must be a fit! Last night at work was especially difficult, for one thing I have been sick since last Friday, and didn't really want to be there in the first place so when my boss completely embarrassed me in front of a whole line of people I had a real PROBLEM with that! Even the customers were in shock and wanted to complain for me on my behalf! His claim was completely unfounded and rediculious and he belittled me and made me feel about 2 inches tall. I didn't say anything at the time and waited till the end of the night to talk with him (I really needed to cool off and get my thoughts together and PRAY before I talked with him!) I came to this conclusion. This man has never been shown respect in his position, (he certainly doesn't demand it, nor does he give any in return) and isn't quite sure how to take it when he is shown that respect. Like the personality test said..I am a talkative person and I love working with people, and solving conflicts...when it comes to my own, sometimes I am a bit more like the cowardly Lion. However God gave me the words to say and my boss did apologize. O well, I guess I am still a little more upset about the whole thing than I thought. Lord, please forgive my bitterness and give me love for all those that you love! As always I could use a little help, and appreciate all of your prayers. Sharon the Communicator :)

Will you pray with me?

I am back again with more random thoughts on my mind. Last night I got a call from my sister who lives in Michagan, and it has been a long time since we last talked. We share the same father and never even met until I was 14. I was so happy to hear from her, and a little sad at the same time. Why do we let so much time go between us without keeping up with the ones that we love. So much has happened in both of our lives since we last saw each other, a lot of pain and suffering and some wonderfully joyous things too. We could have shared those things together and been there for the other while hurting and rejoicing...well i think you get the point. I am looking forward to reconnecting with her, and at the same time I am looking for new friends to connect with as well. I am currentyly rereading the book..Power of a praying wife" and the author strongly suggests that we partner with some other women of stong faith to be our prayer partners, as not to overwhelm our husbands and becuase it is just a great idea. I have never done this and been committed to it for very long, well i am ready to committ and make some changes in my life and I was wondering if you would consider partnering with me in prayer. I am a firm believer that prayer can change everything! I guess I am really asking you, Alana, since you are the only one out there who ever reads my silly little ramblings. Please let me know what you think.

Here I am again, no particular reason nothing really important to say, but I am here anyways. I have had such a fun time getting to know some of the people in the myspace realm. I have gotten in contact with nephews,my sister,old school friends from 15+ years ago, friends from Cookson,college,old co-workers, and friends from our church and it is so interesting to see everyones personality in their profiles. I am left to wonder though...is everyone being "real" or are they trying to sound "cool,and interesting". I notice this more in the younger kids, and it sadens me to a certain degree. Young people are so afraid to "just be themselves" these days, becuase they are so worried with fitting in. Sure I was like that too at times, and now that I am an adult I can honestly say..I wasted way too much time worrying about what other people thought of me and not enough time worrying about what my Heavenly Father was thinking! I am sure that there are people out there who are being real and truly are that interesting! I am being real but probably not all that interesting!LOL Things from my perspective are typically a little different, becuase of the experiences i have had (maybe) but honestly it's just the way God hard wired my brain(again,LOL) I hope that I am not sounding too cheesey! We set up so many pretenses for ourselves that it is almost impossible for people to get to know the "real" person under the skin. Even the other day I was showing my husband my blog spot and he even said "I like reading these because it shows me a little glimpse of who you are inside", HUH, I thought I had been showing him the real me all along! This past Sunday our Pastor preached on "baggage", how we all have it, we all try to hide it,and we need to admit we got it,ect. On the stage were different peices of luggage aka "baggage" to help drive home the point. One interesting thing I noticed was this...In all of the different suitcases, some were big, some small,some red,black, blue and brown, different looks all together. but then there were a couple of really cute suitcases "baggage" ..black with turqoius polka dots,pink with yellow polka dots and little bows, and for some reason that is what I kept thinking the entire sermon...........I don't try to hide me Baggage ...I try to dress it up and make it look pretty, so people don't really notice it. Then I can say I am being real, but truth be told I am just more creative about keeping the "real" me a secret! I knew that once I started typing all kinds of stuff would just come pouring out of me! I hope that as you read this you will be encouraged to be yourself, all or nothing, take away the polka dots and the pretty little bows and be yourself! Thank you for your time! Sharon

Whats the deal?

Okay, so I am new to this whole world of blogging and I am currently seeking help for my new obsession :) It's almost 12a.m. I just got home from work and I couldn't wait to check my blog and tell everyone what I think. I am very tired, but couldn't resist the urge to do this. Well what's new in my life? My daughter started 2nd grade yesterday and I had to work:( I have only been back to work for a week now and already I feel like I am missing out on everything! I enjoy the working for the simple fact that I am around other "adults"(although sometimes I wonder about whether or not I should consider them this way) and getting to laugh, and of course the whole reason is to bring home a paycheck. However, my children are my passion!!! I miss my family greatly when I am at work and I am finding myself to be getting jealous of my husband, because he is the one now tucking them into bed and making dinner,and so on. I hate to sound like a traditionalist here, but I guess I am one. I feel like as much as there are days when I don't "feel like"cooking dinner or bathing the kids, ect..it's my job. I miss it. I love my husband and I am sooooo lucky to have him! He hates the fact that I am working too, but is appriciative that I am willing. Man, I am so torn. I want to be home, but we need the income. Then when I am home I want an outlet. Is there anyone out there who can relate? It seems like the people I work with are just not in this particular mindset, so they all probably think I am being a big baby! Anyways, lately I have been feeling a little emotional. My mother and I had it out so to speak this morning, but it ended up being a good thing and we talked and then cried. Thank you for your prayers. I am always willing to admit when they are needed and I am in need! Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Sharon

From one obsession to another

Well I have always been technically challegend, with the exception of being able to type. Then in June I broke down and checked into the world of Myspace. I quickly becamed obsessed with checking my profile several times a day to find out if anyone out there loved me :) Then a friend of mine from church said she also had a blog spot and I checked it out and thought..WOW I need one of these too. Attention Seasoned Bloggers we have a new memeber...drumroll please, enter me! Now I am obsessed with sharing my thoughts and opinions for what ever they are worth. I am a very talkitive person so I guess this fits best. One thing you can expect from my blogs is silly corny but the truth always! I am not ashamed of who I am. I am fearfully and wonderfully made a one of a kind handcrafted by the Creator of the Universe Himself! WOW I must be a hottie, HOW FUNNY IS THAT if you really know me you should have just laughed! Anyways, I am thankful that you took the time to read all of my ramblings. Occaisionally something profound just might make it's way to my blog, but it could be in the comment section! Take care and God Bless. Sharon

Just another blog from a tired mind

I am so tired. Not just physically speaking, but emotionally as well. I have been at work all evening and it is depressing how filthy some of the mouths of young girls are! I am left to ask the question..what ever happen to being "lady like"? It is a lost art now a days, and that is upsetting. So many times I hear these girls talking about their friends and very personal information loud enough for everyone within a stones throw to hear! I am appauled that their mothers never taught them better! The problem is probably the fact that their mothers weren't even involved much in their lives to begin with! I am convinced now more than ever to make sure that my children are taught to appreciate their bodies as the Temple of the Holy Spirit, and to have respect for themselves and for others! I had to learn to many things on my own when I was a young girl, and I am so scared for some of these girls I work with. They have no respect for themselves and an obvious disregard to authority. Please pray that God will use me to be a light in the dark place at even the SUnny Golden Corral! Thank you. I covet your prayers. Sharon

Random thoughts

This morning I went and had a massage, I love my sisterin law! She secretly planned the whole thing, and then we went and had lunch! While I am on the topic of luch, Pizza by the Chef has great pizza! Anyways, I started thinking about family. Mine is so crazy, that I seldom even want to claim them...except for my brother, who is the only other "normal" one out there in my dna line. I am so thankful that God chose to give me such a wonderful husband, and our 3 beautiful children, who will not know what it is like to have to wear the same pair of underware everyday, or wait on the nieghbors to buy them groceries so they don't go hungry. I was visiting with a friend of mine this morning and we were on the topic of what we would do for our children, and wouldn't do for our children, and while this was a very honest and real conversation I find myself very ANGRY with the very person I call mother. I have asked God to fill my heart with a love and compassion for her and to help me to let go of the hurt inside, and for some reason this is still plaguing me! I am so in love with my children, and the thought that anyone couldn't feel the way I feel for my kids toward their own is very upsetting! I am pathetic I think because I have been able to forgive other people in my life who have done horrible unimaginable things to me, and yet I can't get past the bitterness inside for her. Lord please forgive me, and deliver me from the chains of unforgiveness and heal that broken relationship. I am not even sure why I am typing all of this for anyone to read, but when I sit down and start thinking all kinds of stuff just starts comming out and to the surface. Please pray for me. I am just like you, a real person, with real feelings and emotions, hurting on the inside from time to time and struggling with things just like you. Thank you

First Official Blog

Well I am not even sure where to start or what to say. So for now I will say what is onthe forefront of my mind. I am tired, so my thoughts are a little scatter-brained at the moment, so please bear with me. I started a new job (only part time) two days ago, and I feel somewhat guilty because I do actually enjoy it. We could definitely use the extra income (never hurts) and I am able to interact with other adults during the day. However, I miss my children and husband while I am there. Kind of a catch 22 perhaps. Perhaps these feelings will subside, and as the Lord leads I will follow, but for now I feel this is what I need to do in order to help sustain our family and keep things going smoothly. I seriously probably am not making any sense at the moment. I feel as though I am kind of all over the board at times when it comes to being a stay at home mom. I absolutely LOVE my children and I cherish the time that I have with them, but there are times when I get soooo frustrated being at home all day long, and without anyone to really talk to. I guess that is why I have recently become obsessed with the whole my space thing! I hope I am not sending the wrong impression here. I whole heartedly believe that my first and foremost responsibility is to our family, and by working I am helping to relieve some of the burden my husband is currently under. I hope that I am able to physically stand up to the challenge of this new job, and not to let my family down. I guess that is what it all boils down too, I am afraid of failing my family! I have always struggled with feelings of being inadiquate, and self doubt but I also tend to giveup too easily in the hopes of warding off another "I told you so". When we moved back from Florida after being houseparents at a childrens home for 2 years. I struggled with horrible feelings of guilt. Do we stay and disappoint our children who were really struggling with some very personal issues, and I was struggling with my own as well, or do we leave and disappoint the children that we have grown to love as our own? Very difficult, and after MUCH prayer and council we decided it best to leave. MY heart breaks either way. I miss the kids greatly, the people there and our church family, but I am convinced it was the right thing to do for our family. I don't regret ever going, I wish things could've been diffent that's all. My mother's heart is to love and protect my children, and I am always wondering am I going to screw up somewhere and my kids get hurt..what then. UGH...tough place to be in sometimes and yet I wouldn't trade being a mom for all the wealth and glory in the world! I told you my thought were scatter-brained. Sometimes I am in a funny , easy going mood, and at others I feel as though I am on a war path! Fasten your seat belt folks we may be in for a bumpy ride! God Bless