I am NOT GIVING UP!

Right now, I am sitting in my room...my daughter is sleeping in my bed cozy and warm, my other daughter is in the yard playing Cinderella with the kitties, and Casting Crowns is playing on my stereo. I have been cleaning all morning (I even "sorted" the laundry..Alana :) and I have been listening to this new CD by CC, and I have found much encouragement from it! There are several songs that really speak to my heart...and right now my old casting crowns cd is playing the song "Love them like Jesus", and I find it difficult to even type becuase this song has really "hit" me hard. The first time I heard it was on a treadmill at the YMCA a month after I had my last miscarriage. UGH, Lord what are you doing to me! I know that I made a fool of myself because all of a sudden I was sobbing uncontrolably, and everytime I hear this song, I have the same reaction! I feel like I am on some strange journey. The kind where you know that in the end you will be so blessed, but in the meantime you have to walk around these "pits", up the mountains, through the muck and stormy vallies. (some would call this the journey of life) However this feels different. I have recently been searching out the Lord, and seeking to hear his voice more than ever before....I am desperate to be close to Him, in an actual intimate relationship with him! In doing so , I feel as though I have strapped a target on my back for the enemy to see me wherever I am, almost like a neon sign flashing "here I am come and get me". I have been sick for a few weeks now, and it just seems like every time I turn around it's something! Lord, you ARE faithful, merciful, and just! Thank you for your lovingkindness! You never fail me, you always amaze me! I love you Lord, and I pray that I will walk in a manner worthy of you, to please you in all respects, that I will increase in the knowledge of you God! I am not very good at organizing my thoughts when I am emotional..forgive me! Things are going well inspite of this thing on my back. God is good all the time, and he has promised to give his angels charge over me, to bear me up in their wings! I stand on that promise, and I know that all things will work together for good. Maybe having this "down time" is what I needed to allow me to draw close to God and press in ! So what the devil has set out to destroy God has turned it into blessings! I do appreciate your prayers, and I make it my practice that anytime I look at your blog or comments to say a prayer for you! God Bless and Keep You! May you be encouraged this day to look to Him to sustain you in the times where you feel empty, and fill yourself up with His love! Sharon