Random thoughts

This morning I went and had a massage, I love my sisterin law! She secretly planned the whole thing, and then we went and had lunch! While I am on the topic of luch, Pizza by the Chef has great pizza! Anyways, I started thinking about family. Mine is so crazy, that I seldom even want to claim them...except for my brother, who is the only other "normal" one out there in my dna line. I am so thankful that God chose to give me such a wonderful husband, and our 3 beautiful children, who will not know what it is like to have to wear the same pair of underware everyday, or wait on the nieghbors to buy them groceries so they don't go hungry. I was visiting with a friend of mine this morning and we were on the topic of what we would do for our children, and wouldn't do for our children, and while this was a very honest and real conversation I find myself very ANGRY with the very person I call mother. I have asked God to fill my heart with a love and compassion for her and to help me to let go of the hurt inside, and for some reason this is still plaguing me! I am so in love with my children, and the thought that anyone couldn't feel the way I feel for my kids toward their own is very upsetting! I am pathetic I think because I have been able to forgive other people in my life who have done horrible unimaginable things to me, and yet I can't get past the bitterness inside for her. Lord please forgive me, and deliver me from the chains of unforgiveness and heal that broken relationship. I am not even sure why I am typing all of this for anyone to read, but when I sit down and start thinking all kinds of stuff just starts comming out and to the surface. Please pray for me. I am just like you, a real person, with real feelings and emotions, hurting on the inside from time to time and struggling with things just like you. Thank you